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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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Spike
 
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! - January 12, 2008, 12:08 PM

Stupid state laws!!!

http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/alabama

Alabama: "Boogers may not be flicked into the wind."

Arizona: "You may not have more than two dildos in a house."

San Fransisco, CA: "Persons classified as “ugly” may not walk down any street."

Georgia: "No one may tease an idiot."

Kansas: "Before proceeding through the interesection of Douglas and Broadway, a motorist is required to get out of their vehice and fire three shot gun rounds into the air."

Louisiana: "Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.""

Maine: "Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack." (who knew Maine had such a Native American problem!)
"It is illegal to park in front of Dunkin Donuts."

Maryland: "It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies." (yeah, cuz we do this all the time!!)
"Persons may not swear while on the highway." (i'm sure we ALL follow this one!)

Massachusetts: "All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday." (time to start going to church!)
"Quakers and witches are banned."
"No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears." (that's it, I'm moving to Massachusetts!!)
"No one may take a bath without a prescription." (ok, scratch that thought)
"One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city." (do i really need to say anything?)

Michigan: "There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens." (EW!)

Mississippi: "Adultery or Fornication (living togeather while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison." ( )
"It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public." (you would all go to jail!!)

Missouri: "Dancing is strictly prohibited." (that should be spelled misery!!)

Montana: "Seven or more indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them." (that's just not funny)
"It is illegal to use speed-dial in the city phone system." (then why do they have it?)

Nevada: "Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask." (wonder if it's so you don't recognize all the 'show girls'?)
"Sex toys are outlawed." (wait, isn't Vegas 'sin city'??)

New Hampshire: "You may not tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe." (no wonder that state is so small, everyone left!)
"On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up." ( is your aim really that good?)

New Jersey: "It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder." ( )
"It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season."
"If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates." (take THAT!!!)
"No street-side trees may be planted that “obscure the air”." (how the hell do you do that!?)
"There will be no boiling of bones on the property." (great!, now what do we do!?)

New Mexico: "Idiots may not vote." ( )

New York: "Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business." (see below)
"It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing." (but it's ok to go topless!!!)
"The penalty for jumping off a building is death." (but idiots can't vote!)
"A man can’t go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match." (damn, it really is the fashion capital of the US!)

North Carolina: "The mere possession of a lottery ticket is illegal in North Carolina and may result in a $2,000 fine." (this means you did not win)
"If a man and a woman who aren’t married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married." ( )
"It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog." (and we thought VA was bad with the taxes!)
"It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon." (that's racist!)

Ohio: "Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public." (i love my state)
"It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday." (there are whales in ohio to be fished for!?)
"The Ohio driver’s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car." (heh heh heh heh!!!)
"It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house." (that should be a federal law)
"No one may be arrested on Sunday or on the Fourth of July." (i can tell you they don't uphold this one!!!)

Oklahoma: "Whaling is illegal." (why are whales protected in so many states but Indians are allowed to be shot at will!?)
"Cars must be tethered outside of public buildings." (great anti-theft detourant [sp?])
"If you wear New York Jets clothing, you may be put in jail." (and i thought we were haters!)
"You may not open a soda bottle without the supervision of a licensed engineer." (that's just stupid)

Oregon: "Babies may not be carried on the running boards of a car." (so is that)
"One may not bathe without wearing “suitable clothing,”"

Pennsylvania: "All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires."
"It is still illegal to bring a donkey or a mule onto a trolley car." (makes ya wanna try it, don't it?)

Rhode Island: "No one may bite off another's leg."
"Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void." (sounds like all of them would be in this state!)

South Carolina: "Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal." (i'm still scratching my head)
"When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic." (are there that many horse riders there?)
"Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks." (here we go with this again!)
"The Fire Department may blow up your house."
"Horses are to wear pants at all times"

North Dakota: "No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants." (that's two states. And they say women have penis envy!!)
"If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them." (wonder if they're Jehova's Witnesses?)
"If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon." (these states are not very P.C., are they?)

Tennessee: "You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile." (oh really, why do these states do this?)
"Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of it waving a red flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians."
"It’s illegal for frogs to croak after 11 PM." (i'd like to see how they enforce that one!)

Texas: "A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather."
"When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone." (think about that one...really!)
"Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos."
"A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed." (how nice!)
"The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home." (wonder who's recipe)
"It’s illegal to possess realistic dildos." (that's just funny!!)
"Obnoxious odors may not be emitted while in an elevator."
"Cattle thieves may be hanged on the spot."

Utah: "A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence."
"It shall be unlawful for any person to in any manner tease, annoy, disturb, molest or irritate an animal that is confined to the owner's property.

B. Exception: The provisions of subsection A of this Section shall not apply to animal services officers or law enforcement officers acting within the scope of their authority. "
"It is illegal to have sex in a moving ambulance and if you are caught the guy is let go and the woman is punished and her name appears in the newspaper."

Virginia: "Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary." (we're ALL criminals!)
"Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars"
"Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween."
"It is illegal to tickle women."
"A person of color may not be oustide or within the city limits after 7 pm." (See Amer, Johnny was wrong, it's NOT 9PM)
"A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman’s derriere." (next fool to touch mine is getting charges pressed! )
"It is illegal for a woman to drive a car up Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of the car waving a red flag."

Washington: "No person may walk about in public if he or she has the common cold." (i like this one!)
"All lollipops are banned."
"A law to reduce crime states: “It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
"You cannot buy meat of any kind on Sunday."
"Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment." (then why go?)
"Women who sit on men’s laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term."
"You may not ride an ugly horse."

West Virginia: "It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs." (you knew that was coming!)
"Roadkill may be taken home for supper."

Wisconsin: "The state definition of rape stated that it was a man having sex with a woman he knows not to be his wife."
"You cannot “worry a squirrel."" (what does that mean?)
"If one is thought of as offensive looking, it is illegal for him to be in public during the day."

Wyoming: "Any person who fails to close a fence is subject to a fine of up to seven hundred and fifty dollars."
"It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking."
"You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit."


RIP Greg Walker, I will never forget you

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening

Last edited by jtatooz; January 13, 2008 at 02:11 PM..
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Fack yo pony...
 
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January 12, 2008, 12:20 PM

"Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail." Auburn, AL

Does this mean a girl has to leave town to lose her virginity?
No Auburn man can ever marry a virgin??

So much for the consummation on wedding night.....


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January 12, 2008, 12:20 PM

Virginias Dumb Laws



Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.



There is a state law prohibiting “corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates.



You may not engage in business on Sundays, with the exception of almost every industry.




If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.





You may not have oral or anal sex. (NO ORAL SEX!!!!! I want to see a cop write me a ticket while im getting head)






Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited.



Police radar detectors are illegal.





Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.



Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.



It is illegal to tickle women.



No animal may be hunted for on Sunday with the exception of raccoons, which may be hunted until 2:00 AM.





MY SPELLING SUCKS....DEAL WITH IT



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Fack yo pony...
 
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January 12, 2008, 12:24 PM

Dumb Iowa laws:
"It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp."

So all those gangbangers flooding in from Chicago to sell crank just need to obtain the right tax stamp.....


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January 12, 2008, 12:31 PM

Towards the bottom of the list there is a 'next page' link...some of those are even better!!!!


RIP Greg Walker, I will never forget you

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening
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January 12, 2008, 12:58 PM

I do not feel so good any more...

...


All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind
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Red
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January 12, 2008, 01:17 PM

Alabama
Sex toys are banned throughout the state.

Arizona
You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Arkansas
Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term

California
It is illegal to molest butterflies.
It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.
Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited.
Males may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff.

Colorado
Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited.
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

Connecticut
It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

Florida
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
Oral sex is illegal.
You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
Unmarried couples may not commit "lewd acts" and live together in the same residence.
One may not commit any "unnatural acts" with another person.
It is illegal to molest a Key deer.
Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical performances.
Women may not expose their breasts while performing "topless dancing".
Lap dances must be given at least six feet away from a patron.

Georgia
All sex toys are banned.
The term "sadomasochistic abuse" is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.
Erotic dancing is prohibited on Sundays.
The flooring of adult bookstores and video stores must be nonabsorbant and smooth textured.

Idaho
If a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.

Illinois
One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
It is considered an offense to attempt to have sex with one's dog.
A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.

Indiana
Oral sex is illegal.
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.

Iowa
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

Kentucky
Dogs may not molest cars
One may not receive anal sex.

Louisiana
It is illegal to have sex with a cow.

Maryland
Oral sex can not be given or received anywhere.
A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the Boardwalk.

Massachusetts
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.
A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
Two people may not kiss in front of a church.

Michigan
Adultery is illegal, but can only be punished upon a complaint by the affected husband or wife. Furthermore, no prosecution may take place if the offense was committed over a year from when a complaint was made.
No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison.
There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

Minnesota
It is illegal to sleep naked.

Mississippi
Adultery or Fornication (living togeather while not married or having sex with someone that is not your spouse) results in a fine of $500 and/or 6 months in prison.
Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000
It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.
It is unlawful for anyone to have sex in public.

Missouri
It is illegal to have oral sex.
It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).
Four women may not rent an apartment together.

Montana
It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.
Prostitution is considered a "crime against the family".

Nebraska
Persons with gonorrhea may not marry.
A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.

Nevada
Sex toys are outlawed.

New Jersey
Cross-dressing is illegal.

New Mexico
State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.

Ney York
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting.
Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town.
It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."

North Carolina
While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.
If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard.
Oral sex is considered a crime against nature.

Ohio
Oral sex is considered a crime against nature.
No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person.
Anal intercourse is banned.
It's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

Oklahoma
Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punisable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.
It is illegal to have sex before you are married.
It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.
Molesting an automobile is illegal.
Women may not gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel.

Oregon
It is illegal to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear during sex.
An adult may not show a minor any piece of classical artwork which depicts sexual excitement.
It is against the law for animals to have sex in the city limits.

Pennsylvania
It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
There is a ban on men becoming aroused in public.

South Carolina
Sexually oriented businesses may not open for business on Sundays.
*****es in heat shall be confined.

Tennessee
More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
"Crimes against nature" are prohibited
Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law.
It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
Males may not be sexually aroused in public.

Texas
Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
It is illegal to idle or loiter anyplace within the corporate limits of the city for the purpose of flirting or mashing.
It's illegal to possess realistic dildos.
It is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands.

Utah
No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.
Only animal services officials and policemen may molest animals

Virginia
Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.
If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.
It is illegal to tickle women.
It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed.
A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere.

Washington
Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.

West Virginia
It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.

Wisconsin
Condoms were considered an obsene article and had to hidden behind the pharmacist's counter.
The state definition of rape stated that it was a man having sex with a woman he knows not to be his wife. That would mean that women could not be guilty of rape and neither could men who thought they were married to the woman.
It is illegal to kiss on a train.





Oh I really feel not so-good...


All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind

Last edited by Red; January 12, 2008 at 01:48 PM..
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January 12, 2008, 08:32 PM

That's some funny chit!!!!


RIP Greg Walker, I will never forget you

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening
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whats in your drink?
 
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January 13, 2008, 12:41 AM

In VA its against the law to back into or out of a driveway.


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Spike
 
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January 13, 2008, 02:14 PM

What a bunch of crack-heads. You know most of that stuff has had to happen to a state official at one time or other in the past for those laws to be passed!!!


RIP Greg Walker, I will never forget you

If everybody thought before they spoke, the silence would be deafening
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