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Everyday Life Lessons...
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  (#1)
Popped my cherry!
 
BabyBusa04's Avatar
 
Posts: 271
Join Date: May 4, 2007
Location: Ashburn VA
Smile Everyday Life Lessons... - June 18, 2007, 12:31 PM

Simple tidbits of wisdom easily applied to everyday life - personal and
business.
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
$800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob
the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he say
anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears,
he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh
is weak."! Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival
at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth
and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me first! Me first!"
says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. Me next! Me next!" says the
sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager
says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The
eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and
ate it.
Moral of the story : To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story : Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


"Well behaved women seldom make history"~~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
"Damn white girls throwin' gang signs!"
Gangsta= High-siding on a 50cc!!
Also, if you take your jacket off and the women are all smiles, then you take your helmet off and 99% of the women look disappointed, please put your helmet back on. kthxbai.-Bexxx
I.L.M~Eric "The Irish Guy"
Go n-eírí an bóthar leat.

http://www.abbismom02.shutterfly.com

Last edited by BabyBusa04; June 18, 2007 at 12:36 PM..
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is terrified of clowns
 
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Posts: 789
Join Date: January 14, 2006
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June 18, 2007, 12:37 PM

... think ill try the 1st one w/ my neighboors wife. im not sure if she would drop the towel for a circular saw or not though.


'bad news, its open season on chumps, and i just got my permit'

The Graveyard
-2001 ZX6R: SOLD
The Garage
-2002 F4i streetfighter: it wins shit
-2007 REPSOL: pure giggity
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Chupathingy?
 
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Join Date: April 23, 2007
Location: Martinsburg WV
June 18, 2007, 12:57 PM

Dude you can keep my circular saw now....



PM me if your in H'Town, MD.
"Can't we go faster?.... Even if we rub cheetah blood on the engines?" -Phillip J. Fry

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is terrified of clowns
 
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Posts: 789
Join Date: January 14, 2006
Location: pork'n ur woman
Talking June 18, 2007, 01:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sith4Brains
Dude you can keep my circular saw now....
....are you hitting on me??


'bad news, its open season on chumps, and i just got my permit'

The Graveyard
-2001 ZX6R: SOLD
The Garage
-2002 F4i streetfighter: it wins shit
-2007 REPSOL: pure giggity
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Triple Secks
 
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Posts: 1,422
Join Date: June 7, 2007
Location: Arnold, MD
June 18, 2007, 02:14 PM

some pretty old ones in there, but that doesnt make them not funny.


I believe i can see the future;
because everyday i repeat the
same routine.
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