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  (#1)
I am a bitch, so what?
 
RRSheDevil's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,735
Join Date: December 26, 2002
Location: Maryland
September 16, 2005, 01:19 PM

Someone please stop me from looking at Craigslist........



Personal Assistant/Man Servant Needed - w4m - 25

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: anon-97902216@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-09-16, 10:12AM EDT


i'm a young, intelligent, gorgeous woman (clearly modesty is not one of my virtues) and i am a full time student. as such, i am in need of a man servant who is capable of performing various duties. your services will be needed roughly 10-15 hours a week, though you should make yourself available to me any time i call on you regardless of whether or not you have already been with me for 15 hours that week.



for the most part, you will be required to accompany me as i run errands and study. you will also be required to accompany me to happy hours a couple times a week where you should make friendly conversation with my friends, but never flirt with them nor give the impression that you are my boyfriend. you will also be required to drive me home from school on tuesday and wednesday evenings, so you will need a car. i'm not a car snob, but i won't be driven around in something that is "only going to look like this until the pimp my ride crew shows up". my best friend lives in virginia, so you will also shuttle me back and forth from her house to mine. aside from these regualr activities, you should be prepared to do whatever i ask of you, which will never be anything obscene or extraordinary.



you will never make sexual advances towards me, though you should compliment my appearance every time we meet. if an occasion arises where i have been over served at a bar, you will be required to escort me home and put me to bed. at no time will you become sexually excited while performing this duty lest you be terminated.



you should be well kept and personable, and you should always use proper phone etiquette when answering my calls and taking down messages. it's imperative that you have a good sense of humor that you have seen Napoleon Dynamite, Old School, Wedding Crashers, Office Space, Swingers, Harold and Kumar Go To WhiteCastle and all Quentin Tarantino films enough times to quote them freely and recognize when i have quoted one of them. i don't trust anyone who doesn't drink, so mormons need not apply. i will not hire a scientologist or a democrat or someone who stutters, so people of those persuasions also need not apply. additionally, i may sometimes refer to you as winthrop. you will be expected to respond regardless of what your name actually is.



in exchange for your services you will be seen with me in public several times a week and be able to enjoy my company whenever we are together.




Every time we hold our tongues instead of returning the sharp retort, show patience with another's faults, show a little more love and kindness, we are helping to stock-pile more of these peace-bringing qualities in the world instead of armaments for war. -- Constance Foster
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  (#2)
Happiness Consultant
 
EduardoSuave's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,231
Join Date: August 31, 2003
Location: The LC
September 16, 2005, 01:21 PM



DBR
#135, #47, Vega
--
"Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself." - Confucius

Will pay to see this
whatever henry's name is these days: jason, seriously, im going to kick your face in when I get back
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  (#3)
I miss you Jeff
 
cajen's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,185
Join Date: October 1, 2002
Location: Maryland
September 16, 2005, 01:24 PM

What? too much to ask?


~Jennifer~

LaoTzu: "Life is like a box of chocolates, you take a bite out of one and throw it back in the box if it sucks."

Rossi: "You are the SCHMOOPIFIER!"

http://www.dcsportbikes.net/coppermi...SpicyTWAT1.jpg
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  (#4)
rdg
best avatar in the biz
 
rdg's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,097
Join Date: April 19, 2005
Location: me, the bike, or the crap that broke off?
September 16, 2005, 01:28 PM

So what are y'all gonna give me if I volunteer for this and then while I'm at a bar with her and her friends I (a) hook up with one of them or (b) excuse myself to the bathroom and just leave her.
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  (#5)
Licensed Rider
 
bigal-f3's Avatar
 
Posts: 229
Join Date: August 2, 2005
September 16, 2005, 01:30 PM

holy sheet you dont expect much from a man do yuh.
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  (#6)
God Made Me Wrong
 
Bexxx's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,308
Join Date: July 7, 2005
September 16, 2005, 01:50 PM

Quote:
additionally, i may sometimes refer to you as winthrop.


"Always question those who are certain of what they are saying." - Elie Wiesel

When the time comes to leave, just walk away quietly and don't make any fuss.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tfinch
Why does SnoopDogg carry an umbrella?...Fo' drizzle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whisper
Stop putting shit in my papusa!
When people I don't even know don't like me, I figure I'm doing something right.
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  (#7)
BOHICA
 
AJ711's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,243
Join Date: June 13, 2005
Location: Wheaton
September 16, 2005, 02:01 PM

Nominate that one for Craigslist Best.

And I've been stuck on CL all today as well.

AJ


'05 SV
'05 SSR 125 SB-A
'98 Impreza RS

Member of the 72% Club
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  (#8)
1 of DA PAK FOUNDERS!!
 
Posts: 19,820
Join Date: September 27, 2002
Location: Mi vida Loca
September 16, 2005, 02:03 PM



R1 , 2001
Gixxer 2005
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  (#9)
One and Only
 
Cloaca's Avatar
 
Posts: 6,281
Join Date: June 4, 2004
Location: Cumberland, MD
September 16, 2005, 02:06 PM

I would do it, but I would need to hit it at will. My only stipulation.


Right up the 1 hole.
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  (#10)
DC Chapter
 
Catwalk's Avatar
 
Posts: 319
Join Date: July 11, 2005
Location: DC
September 16, 2005, 02:14 PM

Steve, I think I'm in for $20 if you pull that off.


"And to those who find me abrasive...it's you that's deranged" - Tourniquet

MC: Lou-Evil Psycles

Ink: Chrome Gardens Tattoos

Bands:
Division - www.division-usa.com
www.myspace.com/divisionusa
JWP - www.myspace.com/justwannaplay
Suckerpunch - www.getpunched.com

More of me - www.myspace.com/divisionnick
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  (#11)
A girl must have her toys
 
POYITA's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,004
Join Date: May 3, 2004
Location: HOTlanta
September 16, 2005, 02:24 PM



Danette a/k/a "Dee"-"Poyita"-"La Motora"
T.W.A.T. - GI Jane T.W.A.T.
Meritorious W.A.R.P. Member
99' Cougar
03' 600RR (For Sale)
04' RX8 (For Sale)
08' Dodge Caliber SRT4 Turbo
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  (#12)
I am a bitch, so what?
 
RRSheDevil's Avatar
 
Posts: 4,735
Join Date: December 26, 2002
Location: Maryland
September 16, 2005, 02:42 PM

I'm in for $20 if I get to come out to the bar and watch.


Every time we hold our tongues instead of returning the sharp retort, show patience with another's faults, show a little more love and kindness, we are helping to stock-pile more of these peace-bringing qualities in the world instead of armaments for war. -- Constance Foster
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  (#13)
Go Skins!!
 
h100rr's Avatar
 
Posts: 457
Join Date: April 18, 2005
Location: Ducati World, MD
September 16, 2005, 02:46 PM

sad thing is her mailbox is probably full!!!



SECOND PLACE IS JUST THE

FIRST LOSER!!!!
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  (#14)
GP Racer
 
R-1BobbyB's Avatar
 
Posts: 920
Join Date: March 23, 2005
Location: Springfield, VA
September 16, 2005, 06:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by h100rr
sad thing is her mailbox is probably full!!!


'82 Yamaha Maxim 650 (motorcycle graveyard)
'03 Yamaha R1 Blue (stolen-recovered by Anne Arundel Co. Police)
'05 Yamaha R1 Black (protected by Scorpio)

Quote:
Originally Posted by UncleTJ
Please don't waste my time wishing you could have this bike.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rossi
I would've punched her in the falopian tube, but I just chucked her purse.




http://www.myspace.com/11550649
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  (#15)
Will ride for food
 
maxim03's Avatar
 
Posts: 448
Join Date: January 31, 2005
Location: Silver Spring
September 19, 2005, 11:21 AM

what is craigslist???


Guts and Glory
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