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HOW TO: Ride a Kaan'sMom
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B
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HOW TO: Ride a Kaan'sMom - October 18, 2006, 03:24 PM

For my Good friend, the Kaaner Canturk (aka JMURacin)

HOW-TO: Ride a Kaan'smom

A verbally illustrative short-narrative on riding a Kaan’smom, enjoy.


First Contact - Whenever approaching beasts of unknown or unstable temperament it is always wise to move slowly and bring some sort of treat. Direct eye contact can result in a negative reaction and any loud noises may be perceived as a threat.


Proper Gear – Kaan'smoms love the black studded leather and it may be inserted as a harness if the hair is to short. You can also save yourself a bit of rash should she buck you to the floor by thinking ahead and wearing the proper attire… depending on the mood of the kaan’smom you may want to consider a blacksnake whip as well, as these have proven to be very effective in the taming of a kaan’smom.


Riding A Kaan’smom

Mounting – Mounting a Kaan’smom can be tricky. Be sure to whisper about how slim her thighs look, and positive comments about the hair or makeup will also probably improve her mood toward you. Flowers and candies have also been found to be a good segue.

Dismounting – After riding you may find her disgruntled, sensing your urgency to dismount she may act in an erratic and menacing way, especially if you only planned for a short ride. There are two schools of thought on how to dismount a disgruntled Kaan’smom.

The Donkey-punch Maneuver – The Donkey-punch will require forethought as you must be positioned behind the Kaan’smom in order to execute the set form successfully. In event of an unsuccessful Donkey-punch, IMMEDIATELY dismount and leave the immediate area with all speed, if pursued, it has been found to be effective to toss things in her path as you exit.

The Bolt Maneuver – The Bolt maneuver can be executed by suddenly remembering an appointment you were late for, taking advantage of a well placed call to your cell phone, or simply noticing “how late it’s gotten” and inexplicably exiting the premises in a rushed fasion. Be ready to offer a fake number in the event that you are tracked, in order to “throw” you off her scent.


Things to remember about a Kaan’smom:

- They are fiendishly clever, even if they are old bags
- They will hunt you down if given half the chance and will feast on your soul
- They may not be fun to look at, but riding em is funny as hell
- If you inadvertently impregnate a Kaan’smom she wil


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October 18, 2006, 03:41 PM

omg...hahahaha *dead*


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October 18, 2006, 03:56 PM

Excellent How To Ben, I take it you are speaking from personal experience.

Hopefully Kaan's asleep when I get back to the house after the game tonight I can't imagine he'll be in the best of moods after reading this.


- Matt

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October 18, 2006, 04:29 PM

winnAr!!!!
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October 18, 2006, 05:43 PM



--------------

This has been another fine contribution from Captain Craptastic.

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October 19, 2006, 05:48 PM

haha Ben its so good to be loved. and then the MM crew opens their mouths in support lol.


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October 19, 2006, 05:56 PM

HAHAHAHA!!!

Hey guys, while you're all in here, Tanya is selling that Miata 1994 1.8L. $1500 obo. Let me know if any of you can hook up a sale. Thanks!


SV650s for SALE!!!
- 2007 SV650 Racebike-Superbike KWS/Thermosman suspension/Swenz bodywork/All GSXR Parts
- 2009 SV650 Streetbike Race blue with white stripe/No wrecks/fully faired with M4 full system

Shoot me a PM or talk to Nate (Nudist) if you're interested in purchase.
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