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Most users ever online was 4,519, September 2, 2015 at 03:26 AM.
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I can stop holding my breath...
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  (#1)
Being nice :)
 
ziggy's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,489
Join Date: March 14, 2007
Location: Where Awesome Happens..
I can stop holding my breath... - July 2, 2010, 10:30 PM

....and relax. A week ago as i was in the shower washing my boys, I found a lump on my Power Bar.. I freaked to say the least. All I can think of is Lance Armstrong. I give it a day and finally call my doctor. Now I, like most men would rather get kicked in the balls rather let some dude fondle them. But when it comes to the big C I just sucked it up. My doc was booked up and couldn't see me until this morning. As I set there in the exam room I had to explain to the nurse why I was there. She was good looking. I was hoping she would like to take a look. It didn't happen.

So the doc comes in. I tell him whats going on. Then what I was dreading the most happened. "Take off your shorts and underwear and let take a look." he says. FUCK! So I do it and he goes in like a whore i just gave a $50 to. You would thing being a man him self he would have had the common decency to warm up his hands before touching my sack.

After a very almost borderline gay examination of my boys he sets me up and tell me to get dressed. He writes something down on ipad (baller doc uses ipad as a clip board.) He didnt say anything. It was like the air was getting sucked out of the room. Then he looks up at me and gives me the news.

"Joe, you have a large pimple on you testicular sack." :facepalm:

I asked him if he was sure. He said that it is very common for a man to think it may be cancer. I almost got down and played with his balls I was so relieved.

I guess the point of telling a bunch of yous this story is to make sure that if you ever have a lump on Chucky Noisewater or Pancho Killa, make sure its not a pimple before going to the doc and letting him play with your junk.


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  (#2)
done for now...
 
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July 2, 2010, 10:40 PM

did you pop it?
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  (#3)
just some dude
 
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July 2, 2010, 10:43 PM

i guess that explains this, I walked into my works bathroom yesterday..


2013 Toyota Prius C4, holding up traffic...
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  (#4)
Being nice :)
 
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July 2, 2010, 10:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by steele11 View Post
did you pop it?
I asked for the nurse to come back but it wasnt included in the $15 co-pay.


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  (#5)
Groping is a skill...
 
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July 2, 2010, 11:06 PM

You liked it don't lie... What's your doctor's name and number please...


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GP Racer
 
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July 3, 2010, 05:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by turkishexpress View Post
You liked it don't lie... What's your doctor's name and number please...
Awwwww man you xxxxen crack me up with your gay jokes ahahahaha...................................


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  (#7)
Railing!
 
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Posts: 422
Join Date: January 23, 2010
Location: Brookeville
July 3, 2010, 07:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ziggy View Post
....and relax. A week ago as i was in the shower washing my boys, I found a lump on my Power Bar.. I freaked to say the least. All I can think of is Lance Armstrong. I give it a day and finally call my doctor. Now I, like most men would rather get kicked in the balls rather let some dude fondle them. But when it comes to the big C I just sucked it up. My doc was booked up and couldn't see me until this morning. As I set there in the exam room I had to explain to the nurse why I was there. She was good looking. I was hoping she would like to take a look. It didn't happen.

So the doc comes in. I tell him whats going on. Then what I was dreading the most happened. "Take off your shorts and underwear and let take a look." he says. FUCK! So I do it and he goes in like a whore i just gave a $50 to. You would thing being a man him self he would have had the common decency to warm up his hands before touching my sack.

After a very almost borderline gay examination of my boys he sets me up and tell me to get dressed. He writes something down on ipad (baller doc uses ipad as a clip board.) He didnt say anything. It was like the air was getting sucked out of the room. Then he looks up at me and gives me the news.

"Joe, you have a large pimple on you testicular sack." :facepalm:

I asked him if he was sure. He said that it is very common for a man to think it may be cancer. I almost got down and played with his balls I was so relieved.

I guess the point of telling a bunch of yous this story is to make sure that if you ever have a lump on Chucky Noisewater or Pancho Killa, make sure its not a pimple before going to the doc and letting him play with your junk.

things I dread doing

1. As soon as you walk in the room and you can smell the fermenting yeast infection, with some sort of superimposed trichamonas or Chlamydia, and now you have to do a vaginal exam; When you look between the legs, and there is dried cream cheese appearance overlying her crotch. As you take a swab and poke through that layer, it becomes more moist and pungent, and then you realize that she isn't contracting her vagina in pain, but rather she's having an orgasm, b/c this is the best sex she's had in months.

2, Rectal exam on morbidly obese person who has not bathed in weeks. And you have to hold up one of their butt cheeks with your arm, and some of the dried stool that lies in between their fat folds, flakes off on your arm.

3. Dealing with sick kids, when there is very little you can do to help them.


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I'm a secksy boi!
 
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July 3, 2010, 07:27 AM

dude, this story is full of hilarity, first starting with "power bar."


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  (#9)
I'm a secksy boi!
 
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July 3, 2010, 07:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc750

things I dread doing

1. As soon as you walk in the room and you can smell the fermenting yeast infection, with some sort of superimposed trichamonas or Chlamydia, and now you have to do a vaginal exam; When you look between the legs, and there is dried cream cheese appearance overlying her crotch. As you take a swab and poke through that layer, it becomes more moist and pungent, and then you realize that she isn't contracting her vagina in pain, but rather she's having an orgasm, b/c this is the best sex she's had in months.

2, Rectal exam on morbidly obese person who has not bathed in weeks. And you have to hold up one of their butt cheeks with your arm, and some of the dried stool that lies in between their fat folds, flakes off on your arm.

3. Dealing with sick kids, when there is very little you can do to help them.
jeez dude. I went from laughing to disgust in a matter of seconds.


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Derpentine Dealer
 
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July 3, 2010, 07:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Doc750 View Post
things I dread doing

1. As soon as you walk in the room and you can smell the fermenting yeast infection, with some sort of superimposed trichamonas or Chlamydia, and now you have to do a vaginal exam; When you look between the legs, and there is dried cream cheese appearance overlying her crotch. As you take a swab and poke through that layer, it becomes more moist and pungent, and then you realize that she isn't contracting her vagina in pain, but rather she's having an orgasm, b/c this is the best sex she's had in months.

2, Rectal exam on morbidly obese person who has not bathed in weeks. And you have to hold up one of their butt cheeks with your arm, and some of the dried stool that lies in between their fat folds, flakes off on your arm.

3. Dealing with sick kids, when there is very little you can do to help them.
Oh look, some of the reasons I got a PhD rather than an MD!


How's my posting? Please direct all concerns and inquiries to DCSBN's chief content manager, Hollywood, via PM.
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↓ dn ʎɐʍ sıɥʇ ↓
 
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July 3, 2010, 07:53 AM

So let me get this straight, all I have to do is schedule an appointment with my doctor and say I have a lump on my Exxon Valdenis in order to have him 'check' it out?

Glad to hear you made it out alive


-Ryan
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↓ dn ʎɐʍ sıɥʇ ↓
 
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Posts: 8,213
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July 3, 2010, 07:58 AM

Thought I'd share this list of penis nicknames, found most of them rather funny.

Pennis the Menace
The Ramburglar
The Giving Tree
Wrinklebeast
Acorn Andy
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Lance Wyoming
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Tony the Hustler
The Littlest Traffic Cop
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Federal Love Project
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
Schtuppopolis
The Molten Mushroom
The Powerprawn
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Sixth Beatle
The True Cross
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion


-Ryan
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Love, Peace & Soul!!
 
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Join Date: March 18, 2010
Location: Reston to Round Hill, VA
July 3, 2010, 08:17 AM

DAMN homie!!! I'm glad everythang checked out fine


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  (#14)
The last urrbendah
 
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July 3, 2010, 08:43 AM

glad you won't be uniballing anytime soon.


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  (#15)
Being nice :)
 
ziggy's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,489
Join Date: March 14, 2007
Location: Where Awesome Happens..
July 3, 2010, 02:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark View Post
Thought I'd share this list of penis nicknames, found most of them rather funny.

Pennis the Menace
The Ramburglar
The Giving Tree
Wrinklebeast
Acorn Andy
Johnny Come Early
Third Arm of Justice
The Zipper Ripper
Everybody Loves the Nubbin
Lance Wyoming
Gertrude Frankenstein
Twinkie
The Exxon Valdenis
Tony the Hustler
The Littlest Traffic Cop
Abdullah (the Tent Maker)
Donald Pump
Admiral James T. Cock
President Johnson
Kaptain Kielbasa
Old Drizzly
Federal Love Project
Chief of Staff
Pope John Pole III
Thor's Hammer
King Leer
Schtuppopolis
The Molten Mushroom
The Powerprawn
Scepter of Sordidness
Horseman of the Ahumpalypse
Regurgitator of Rejuvenation
E.T.'s Stinkfinger
Niagara Balls
Meat Maelstrom
Trembling Torpedo
King Ohyeah
Buster McThunderstick
Madeleine Albright
The Viscount of Veins
The New York Post
Winnie the Cock
The Sixth Beatle
The True Cross
The Fleshy Winnebago
The Squinty Blowpop
The Slim Reaper
Jack Kerouwacker
The Naughtiest Cardinal
Master's Pincushion


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