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My automatic flushing toilet experience
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rdg
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My automatic flushing toilet experience - July 13, 2006, 10:41 AM

This story is about shitters, and my recent experience. I'm relatively shameful and PC about this, but still, it's about shitters.

So here's the deal. Here at work, which I call the Ivory Tower, the IT folks got relegated to the first floor away from the Sr VPs and such (they wanted more offices with a view, we had the few remaining ones, we got kicked out).

So this is our first week down here in what I now call the Dungeon. I know, I'm ridiculously clever. Earlier this week I went to bathroom for a sit-down experience. I take care of business and just as I stand up I hear roughly the sound of a jet engine going on from my rear. Turns out on this floor we get automatic flushers. We didn't have those up on Mt Olympus, and now I've nearly shit myself again.

Well I'm still not used to this. So today I go to use the toilet, and I'm inspecting the seat for wetspots because apparently grown men can't lift the seat or remotely aim with what God gave them. This still blows my mind. After I determine the seat safe, I turn around to drop trou. WHOOSHSLFKJSDFLKJWERKLSKLFJDSFj. The noise is so God awful loud I jumped and pinned myself against the stall door. Now, because it's flushing I'm not about to sit down on that thing. You know how it goes, that 10 gallon per flush motion normally causes splashing and I don't want any of it.

So I wait. It finishes, and as it stops draining and starts flowing it apparently gets some acid-reflux going on. The Blackhole Of Waste is now the Geyser of Foul Water. I'm still mid-dropped trou and pinned against the stall door but now I'm trying frantically to get out of the stall and not get wet. Unfortunately, the doors open into the stall so I can't get out without getting closer. This is not cool.

Eventually it settles, and smells awful, I'm now in a stall with water on most walls and all over the floor. The entire time there's been a guy in another stall who's now redressing himself and I'm trying to debate if it'd be more awkard for me to do the clenched cheek shuffle and switch stalls, or just stand there with my pants around my ankles pinned against the door with water all over the place in my stall while he walks out and washes his hands.

I shuffle around. Re-inspect the seat, drop trou, sit down, and hear WHOOOSHSDLFKJSDKLFJSDLFKJSDLKJ. Now the toilet I'm already sitting on is flushing.

Do I run around in this stall all panicky? I mean, I'm already in the stall next to the guy who is putting on who knows how many layers of clothing because he's been getting dressed for 5 minutes. He's got to be wondering what the hell I'm doing. I gamble. I figure 2 of three stalls can't be geysers and I wait it out.

We're ok. I do my business and leave. But I'm pretty sure next time I'm riding the elevator up 13 floors so I can get to the old school manual flushers.
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July 13, 2006, 10:49 AM

that was a funny read!

+1


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July 13, 2006, 10:53 AM

i have been subject to the autoflush in mid coitus plenty of times. I however have appreciated the gentle clensing. It limits me having to use the massage showerhead at home to remove any dingleberrys that have collected throughout the week.

I find it refreshing and find myself hitting the stall more often. I once let out a giggle of pleasure, but the reaction from my stallmate prompted me to never do that again.


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July 13, 2006, 10:55 AM

BWAHAHAHAHAHA, that's hilarious. We got those automatic flushers here in my building as well, every floor. I try to avoid having to do my business in them because as you have discovered they have a tendancy to randomly go off.


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July 13, 2006, 10:59 AM

Sorry to hear you had interrupted


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July 13, 2006, 11:13 AM



God Speed Jeff! You'll never be forgotten.

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July 13, 2006, 11:17 AM

Ew, so you guys don't have seat covers


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July 13, 2006, 11:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by spud
i have been subject to the autoflush in mid coitus plenty of times. I however have appreciated the gentle clensing. It limits me having to use the massage showerhead at home to remove any dingleberrys that have collected throughout the week.

I find it refreshing and find myself hitting the stall more often. I once let out a giggle of pleasure, but the reaction from my stallmate prompted me to never do that again.
Two quick thoughts:

Gula - BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...You know what makes this thread so great? It's funny because it's true! Everyone has had a "near death" experience with an automatic flushing toilet. I once had one that continuously flushed all the way till the end...I toss my paper in - No flush. I'm like ? NOW you decide to stop?

Alex - Wow. That's all I can say right now.


Ninja636 says:
yes, dick is fun!
Ninja636 says:
OH WAIT....
Ninja636 says:
MAYBE I SHOULD REPHRASE THAT

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July 13, 2006, 11:27 AM

A similar incident happened to me, it was a dire emergency similar to a thread posted a few days ago. There are 3 urinals, 2 stalls, 1 stall is occupied, the other empty and clean, at times like this bathroom etiquette rules are off. I sit down and the toilet immediately rocks to the side (I'm thinking this could be bad) and then the toilet starts flushing not-stop, over and over and over again. I almost jumped off the toilet to avoid the spray. One side of the toilet seems like it wasn't even bolted down, eventually I figured out that if I leaned forward to the left side (out of view of the sensor) the toilet stopped flushing. I did my business and as I walked to the sinks the toilet starts going again non-stop, and I'm wondering who will be the next victim to the toilet?
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July 13, 2006, 11:28 AM

This WOULD be something that would happen to YOU steve...you poor thing.
BTW...thanks for that mental image of you terrified and stuck to the stall door with your pants half way down!!


RIP Greg Walker, I will never forget you

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July 13, 2006, 11:29 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stacey86
Ew, so you guys don't have seat covers
Yes, but we call them "Ass Gaskets".


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July 13, 2006, 11:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by spud
I once let out a giggle of pleasure, but the reaction from my stallmate prompted me to never do that again.
Ahahahahahahahahahaha!

We have those here, and Ive learned once youve broken the infra red beam do not move, I actually approach from the side (Yea I use the handycap stall, its the cadillac of pooper stalls) and dont roll forward or backward.

Also I you wanna mess with people put masking tape over the sensor.


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July 13, 2006, 11:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nudist
Yes, but we call them "Ass Gaskets".
Oh, that's what she meant, of course ass gaskets or faux ass gaskets (layers of toilet paper) are required.

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July 13, 2006, 11:44 AM



Holy shit...as soon as I saw the thread title THEN the author I knew this was going to be good.

I was laughing so hard that a co-worker thought I was actually crying.



Priceless.


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> 6'3" need not apply!
 
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July 13, 2006, 11:46 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jdacoolest
Oh, that's what she meant, of course ass gaskets or faux ass gaskets (layers of toilet paper) are required.

Oh, I thought they were called toilet seat condoms


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