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View Poll Results: Is it ok for a toddler (age 1 - 5 or so) to be that close with extended family?
That is inappropriate. 3 12.00%
Not inappropriate at all. 22 88.00%
Voters: 25. You may not vote on this poll

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Poll:Family closeness with young children
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  (#1)
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Poll:Family closeness with young children - November 19, 2010, 10:04 AM

Ok, need to see the consensus here.

Wife and I are in an argument about my 14 month old staying with my parents.

First, my mom watches my little guy every day during the week and she lives 15 minutes from my house.

Prior to this weekend, my son has stayed over night with my folks about 4 or 5 times with no issues.

Here is the argument.

I grew up in a house and family where hugs, were with every greeting, staying over night with uncles, grand parents was no big deal.

Even so much that I would sleep in the same bed as my uncles or my grandparents.

I am talking between the ages of 1-5 or so.

I even took showers with my uncles/grand father until I was probably 6 years old and it became uncomfortable... I think..


Regardless, at a young age I grew up and still think this wasnt a big deal. When they are little, they dont know anything about PC...

It was even fine to let him run around the house...on the beach naked..


That being said, my wife grew up in a very confined house. Hugs were not part of the norm and openness was OPPOSITE.


Therefore my wife thinks its really strange and incorrect to let my kid take a shower with my folks...and/or stay over if he sleeps with them in their bed.

it wasnt a big deal until now b/c the little guy doesnt like sleeping in his crib and spends most the night in our bed. Spare me the issues with that. He sleeps 9 or 10 hours with us and gets up many many times in his crib.. So i dont need being judged on that.


So NOW it has become a big deal with my parents that he cant spend the night with them b/c my wife doesnt want him sleeping in the bed with them.

Especially since my mom sees him every day and the fact its not a big deal on my side of the family.

My wife thinks my thoughts and family are in the minority on this.


So here is a poll. I am genuinely interested to see who folks agree with. If you think it is inappropriate for a toddler to be this close with extended family.. Id like to see.

Thanks for your attention.


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November 19, 2010, 10:14 AM

I was the same...staying with my grand mom b4 i was school age.
My sister and I took bath until I was 5 and she was 7.

Um, today I see people frown, but 40 years ago I think it was the norm.
I side with you honestly. If you know the people well, whats the harm.


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November 19, 2010, 10:16 AM

Yeah, i understand the other side.. But really? This is causing a rift with my folks due to disappointment.

My dad would post on facebook all day how excited he is about my son staying over..and he posts pix all the time while he was there..

Now its silly..


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November 19, 2010, 10:17 AM

It's ok to have your kid close with your immediate extended family. Hugs, nights over, sleeping in the "big bed" all fine (up until the age of 5 or so).

However, I would draw a line at showering together. Sends the wrong kind of signals.

Beach, or running around the house naked is fine though.

Your old lady needs to loosen up.



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November 19, 2010, 10:20 AM

I came from a family like your wife's and to me, the showering thing is fucking weird. Closeness in the family or not...I wouldn't be down with that at all.


The same bed thing isn't weird...but it's something you need to nip. I know you said to spare that whole issue but it's going to create problems down the road.


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November 19, 2010, 10:20 AM

The showering thing is a bit weird if you're talking about actually being in the shower with adults. Kids bathing together is no biggie.

I grew up in a tight family where hugs and handshakes are the norm. I've never understood parents who don't show some sort of physical affection to their kids.


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November 19, 2010, 10:24 AM

oh, and for the record, I've very affectionate toward my kid and and she's way closer to extended family than I ever was. However, I don't need to explain to her at the age of two why grandma has a silver yield sign below her belly button.


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November 19, 2010, 10:26 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scot View Post
I came from a family like your wife's and to me, the showering thing is fucking weird. Closeness in the family or not...I wouldn't be down with that at all.


The same bed thing isn't weird...but it's something you need to nip. I know you said to spare that whole issue but it's going to create problems down the road.

I can see how the shower thing would be weird and I havnt argued with her. To me it wasnt a big thing.

Growing up, i slept in the same bed for a while with my folks and then on my own i changed my mind. My brother who is 12 years younger than me went through a phase of sleeping in the big bed. He also stopped on his own.

If you can handle your child screaming and crying just for sleeping issues, more power to you. Vs him being happy sleeping in the big bed and getting his 9 hours of sleep and being happy all day. I think i will be stern in other areas of discipline. Dropping food off the high chair..playing with food..getting into things he shouldn't is where I enforce discipline..

Again, dont want to argue the bed thing with us b/c there are definitely 2 sides to that.


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November 19, 2010, 10:26 AM

Kids bathing together, fine until a certain age.

My daugter showering with her mom? Fine I'd say.

Outside of that, a little weird.


Hugs, same bed, etc. No probs.


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November 19, 2010, 10:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scot View Post
oh, and for the record, I've very affectionate toward my kid and and she's way closer to extended family than I ever was. However, I don't need to explain to her at the age of two why grandma has a silver yield sign below her belly button.



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November 19, 2010, 10:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by thefitzvh View Post
Kids bathing together, fine until a certain age.

My daugter showering with her mom? Fine I'd say.

Outside of that, a little weird.


Hugs, same bed, etc. No probs.

so same sex showering then? Daughter with mom, son with dad?

My wife is on those lines...for the showering thing..


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November 19, 2010, 10:28 AM

i slept in my parents bed, would start the night in mine then migrate to theirs across the hall. did that till around 5/6 too. few times a month i spent nights at grandmother's house, slept in her bed. no big deal.
is it wrong for family to be close to each other? i think not!
let the grandparents enjoy the little man!


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November 19, 2010, 10:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Heist View Post
It's ok to have your kid close with your immediate extended family. Hugs, nights over, sleeping in the "big bed" all fine (up until the age of 5 or so).

However, I would draw a line at showering together. Sends the wrong kind of signals.

Beach, or running around the house naked is fine though.

Your old lady needs to loosen up.
This sounds like my opinion.

Showering after age 5 together with adults even with grannies, opens the door of exploration and premature questions.

Understanding extended family is easy:

Either you grew up with one and totally get it or you didnt and you never will get it.


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November 19, 2010, 10:32 AM

oh and i showered with my dad until somtime around 4( i think).gradually just stopped. it wasn't my parents putting me in the shower, it was more the idea of i want to be like my father kinda thing. "oh dad's taking a shower, ME TOO!" * runs to shower and hops in, father screams what the fuck r you doing in here?


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November 19, 2010, 10:33 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by devon.818 View Post
i slept in my parents bed, would start the night in mine then migrate to theirs across the hall. did that till around 5/6 too. few times a month i spent nights at grandmother's house, slept in her bed. no big deal.
is it wrong for family to be close to each other? i think not!
let the grandparents enjoy the little man!
Yep that is what our little guy does. He sleeps in his crib for about 3 hours and then migrates to ours...


Hmm.. I musta grew up with hippies.. lol To me the showering thing at a young age is no big deal due to the innocence of it. But i can see how others would feel the opposite.

I should be clear that when i was a toddler i only showered with my grandfather.. But in my head if it was with grandma, i wouldnt have thought otherwise either...


Thanks for the posts folks, i never really thought about this stuff being weird so its good to hear feedback.


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