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Probably the Most Memorable Home Break In You'll Ever Read
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Probably the Most Memorable Home Break In You'll Ever Read - January 23, 2013, 02:11 PM



Allegations Against Bruni:

Got naked, climbed onto the Lands' roof.

Attacked Tony Lands by jumping on him and hitting his shoulder.

Ran into Lands' house, knocked down a TV and spilled the contents of a vacuum on the floor

Drank the contents of the vacuum.

Dodged bullets fired by LaDonna Lands.

Masturbated in the living room.

Rubbed clothes on his face in the Lands' son's room.

Defecated on the floor in two places.



In Florida, there are violent people, naked people, poopers and masturbators -- but rarely is one man the total package.

When Tony and LaDonna Land discovered naked carnival worker Gregory Matthew Bruni on their roof, the night had just begun. Bruni, 21, allegedly assaulted Tony Land, trashed the couple's North Fort Myers Home, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house, WTSP reports.

The Lands told police they were in their bedroom at around 7 p.m. Monday when they heard a noise that sounded like thunder, according to Fox 4 Now. Tony went outside and says he saw Bruni on top of the roof, completely naked. Bruni allegedly jumped down on top of Land, ABC 7 reported, then knocked him over by hitting him in the shoulder.

The Lands say Bruni ran into the house, pulled a big-screen TV off the wall, and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor. Around this time, LaDonna grabbed a gun and began firing at the nude intruder. She missed, and the couple called 911.

"I don't know who the hell he is -- he's naked and he ran into my damn house," Tony can be heard saying on the recording.

The Lands told authorities that after shots were fired, Bruni began whacking the mole in their living room before heading into their son's bedroom to rub some clothing on his face.

When deputies arrived, they attempted to control Bruni, who they say was wildly flailing around and speaking nonsensically. They also discovered that Bruni had defecated on the floor in two spots within the home.

At some point during the ruckus, investigators say, Bruni sucked up the contents of the vacuum, then spit it back out.

Bruni was taken into custody and transported to a hospital for evaluation, where doctors reportedly told deputies they planned to conduct tests to determine "what Bruni was on."

Bruni has been charged with criminal mischief, battery, occupied burglary and resisting arrest without violence.



“Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good. Hence a Prince who wants to keep his authority must learn how not to be good, and use that knowledge, or refrain from using it, as necessity requires”.

- Nicolo Machiavelli 1469-1527

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January 23, 2013, 02:14 PM

Impressive.


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January 23, 2013, 02:14 PM

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January 23, 2013, 02:15 PM

What?


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January 23, 2013, 02:39 PM



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January 23, 2013, 03:13 PM

If you're going to go retard - in this case, go full retard and become a legend!



“Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good. Hence a Prince who wants to keep his authority must learn how not to be good, and use that knowledge, or refrain from using it, as necessity requires”.

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January 23, 2013, 03:19 PM

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January 23, 2013, 03:20 PM

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January 23, 2013, 07:40 PM

He studied how to dodge bullets from Pootie tang.



“Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good. Hence a Prince who wants to keep his authority must learn how not to be good, and use that knowledge, or refrain from using it, as necessity requires”.

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January 23, 2013, 10:52 PM

dayum.. just how long was he IN that house?
That was a lotta shit to be doin.. literally!!
lol.. I wonder if he was shouting "booga booga" and stuff while dodging bullets and masturbating.. hahaha

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January 24, 2013, 01:53 AM

They could've just slid him over a jug of bleach after he blew the vacuum.


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