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Real Court Transcripts
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  (#1)
Owner of the Site Owner
 
Posts: 3,793
Join Date: February 3, 2006
Real Court Transcripts - February 19, 2009, 11:33 AM

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts," and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law.


-

I tow 747s


"gixrB: I like it hard, with a lot of feel"
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making it do what it do!!
 
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February 19, 2009, 11:40 AM



thanks for the joke!!


-FER-
2008 Raven R1
Eat, Lift, Sleep.... (REPEAT)!!!
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  (#3)
Owner of the Site Owner
 
Posts: 3,793
Join Date: February 3, 2006
February 19, 2009, 11:43 AM

the best part is it real!


-

I tow 747s


"gixrB: I like it hard, with a lot of feel"
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Typical Stripper
 
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Location: Between old and slow
February 19, 2009, 11:46 AM

Wow.


Nate CCS/ASRA #29 - www.nudebikesracing.com - 2012 MARRC AM Racer of the Year

Ticket2Speed, RnR Cycles, Twin Works Factory, Scorpion Helmets, Pro Speed Racing Apparel, Vortex, DC-Moto.net/Amsoil, Dunlop, Sharkskinz, DCSportbikes.net
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Triple Secks
 
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February 19, 2009, 11:50 AM

i lol'd.


I believe i can see the future;
because everyday i repeat the
same routine.
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  (#6)
Brainwash Your Face!
 
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February 19, 2009, 11:51 AM

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.





"Someone should donkey punch that bitch with a waffle iron then upload the video to World Star Hip Hop" ~.Nets Resident Chivalrous Gentlemen Stillie

RIP KATIE RIP BAMBAM RIP VEGA
Gasoline by The Bouncing Souls
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOxc2cM75NI


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USSA
 
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Posts: 2,369
Join Date: September 23, 2008
Location: Manassas
February 19, 2009, 11:51 AM

This seems familiar.


I Have Nothing To Contribute.

Chicks are like jobs...all the good ones are taken and they can't pay you enough to do the ones that are available.
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Mr. Glass
 
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Location: Emerica
February 19, 2009, 12:01 PM

hahahaha i love this!! thank you for making my thursday at work


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http://twitter.com/azzman
________________________
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"(@)'(@)''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''(@)(@)** **** (@)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rossi
dressing up like a fruity gangster and going to Sterling, that is like wearing a tuxedo just to go to the bathroom.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rossi
Buying a sportbike to go the speed limit (which you do not do in your car) is like buying a condom to look at it.

Do you buy a condom to look at it? No you buy it to fuck.
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  (#9)
What's today? aah fuck it
 
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February 19, 2009, 12:12 PM

I can picture some of these actually happening...
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  (#10)
SUPERBITCHIN'
 
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February 19, 2009, 12:31 PM

thank you
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superdupernunu
 
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February 19, 2009, 02:29 PM

made my day buddy!


let's f*cking rage!
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T.R.I.T.D.H
 
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February 19, 2009, 03:43 PM

Out of context this is all funny shit...

I wish I could've thought of something like this to make a book and get rich, bitch.

But I didn't.

Anyways, even though a lot of this seems redundant and stupid for an attorney to ask, even when it sounds silly, these types of questions help set the pace for a trial and could possibly end up winning the case.

Too bad some of the witness are not bright enough to just answer the questions instead of contedning the attorney's intelligence....but in their defense there are some pretty dumb lawyers in this world as well...


What do you value more? Life or Image?

"I don't ride, I usually just sit around wearing a tshirt and my icon back protector and talk shit about anyone who does not have a liter bike. That's how you can pick me out of a crowd. I also wear a red tophat."
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  (#13)
TPG - screw face
 
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February 19, 2009, 03:54 PM

hahah the voodoo one is great
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